this page edited by The Editor
Chapter One: Ohh Fu--
"Oh My God!" Edward practically screamed as he ran into the house.
"Whats wrong Edward?" Alice asked running up to him.
"A hoard of about 50 girls swarmed me when I got out of school today!
All of them thinking things that make me want to run out of Forks and
never come back!! My God! I don't think I can take much more of this!!"
Alice giggled and Edward glared at her, "Oh come on Edward, if it was happening to me you would be laughing too."
"Alice, if it was happening to you you would be thrilled by the
prospect of having so many shopping partners." Edward said in a
monotone.
"True, true.." She agreed.
"Aw, whats the
matter Eddie? Can't handle a few fan girls?" Emmett said from across
the room. "I actually think its a little fun." he grinned
"Emmett, YOU can't read whats going through the heads of your fans. An
believe me, you don't want to, some of the things those girls think are
enough to make me want to run screaming in the other direction." He
finished, a shiver running down his spine.
"Don't be a child
Edward," Jasper said coming down the stairs "at least you don't have to
feel the emotions flowing off of that crowed, every time I go outside.
It comes at you so hard and from all sides its like drowning."
"Its just so annoying, I wish the most gruesome fate on this Meyer person for this." Edward mused
~2 months earlier~
"Hey Edward, what are we going to do here in Seattle?" Bella asked him.
They had come to the city a few days into spring break.
"No reason really, I just thought you might like to come to the city
and look around, I knew you were wanting to get a few new books
anyway." He shrugged
They got out of the car and headed into a
book store were a crowed of people were all converging in on the same
few isles of books and around the register. They looked at each other,
confused. Book stores usually weren't this full of excitement.
"I wonder what all this fuss is about." Bella wondered aloud.
"Haven't you heard! The newest book in the Twilight series is out!
Everyone wants one!" a girl close by said before rushing off into the
frey.
"Wow, must be a good book to cause such a fuss over." Bella said
"Would you like one?" Edward asked her
"It sounds like there is more than one. She said series." Bella replied
"Well we'll just get all of them." Edward smiled at her.
They walked into the crowed, Edward being careful to keep Bella away
from the flailing arms of the people around them. When they reached the
shelves they spotted a three set collection of books with the word
TWILIGHT on the side of the case.
"Well this must be the source of all the hubbub." Edward said picking up the case.
Bella picked up a singular book and started reading the back cover of
it, her eyes went wide and she opened up the book and started to flip
through it hurriedly. She looked up at Edward with a look of shock on her
face.
"Bella? Bella whats wrong?" Edward asked, concerned.
Bella just shook her head and let the book slip out of her hands.
Edward caught it before it hit the ground and flipped through it and
his mouth dropped open. If he had been expecting something, it
definitely was not this.
"Edward..what does this mean?" Bella asked in a breathless voice.
"I don't know Bella.." He said shaking his head.
They decided to buy the books anyway, to make absolutely sure it was what they thought.
When Edward gave his credit card to the cashier he said "Thank you for
your purchase Mr....... Cullen?" The lady looked at the screen with
bugged out eyes then up to him, her mouth popping open in surprise.
"Oh-Em-Gee..." she gasped with exaggerated slowness as she raked her
eyes over Edward.
Then all hell broke loose.
"OH! MY! GOD! ITS FREAKING EDWARD CULLEN! HERE! IN MY STORE!!!" She screamed, jumping up and down
"What?"
"Edward Cullen?"
"Here??"
"Oh my god it is him!!"
"Squeeee!!!"
"And there is Bella too!!"
"Oh my god!! I want to hug him!"
"NO ME FIRST!"
The crowd of squealing girls converged on them before ether of them
could recover from the shock. One of them had thrown her arms around
Edward from behind and another had griped Bella in a hug so tight she
could hardly breath.
Then the glomping started.
One girl came running at Edward and threw herself into the air landing on him, knocking him to the floor, hugging him.
"I want one of his shoes!"
"I got his shirt!"
"I GOT HIS UNDERPANTS!!"
In the end Edward and Bella had escaped to the car and were speeding
off down the road before anyone could come out to fallow them.
"What the HELL was that?" Edward asked
"Your asking me? I don't have any freaking idea!" Bella screeched, starting to freak out.
"Okay, okay. Lets just calm down now. This was probably just some kind
of freak incident that happened to happen to us." he didn't sound very
confident in his theory.
~Present~
"Yes, well there's nothing to do now but wait it out I suppose." Jasper said.
"Oh but it'll be awhile yet," Alice said "This is going to be fun to watch." she had a wicked grin on her face.
Edward groaned.
Chapter 2: Why Me?
Jacob banged
into the house, slamming the door shut behind him taking in large gulps
of air, "I--hate--fan---girls!!" he panted clutching at the tattered
remains of his sweat pants. "Those heathens practically ate me alive!"
Quil
was sitting on the floor with Clair, her playing with a Barbie him with
an 'action figure'. He looked up at Jacob and his face split into a
huge grin, "Oh I don't know Jake, they seem rather harmless to me. Why,
all I have to do is walk out the door with Clair in my arms and they go
all soft and gooey for her cute little eyes." he trailed off with a
chuckle.
"Well EXCUSE me for not having a toddler to hide
behind! Seriously, I am about to start hunting fangirls instead of
vampires. They are far more menacing at the moment than the
bloodsuckers..no I take that back, they are far..far worse." Jacob
shuddered.
"I'm sure it will run it's course if we just bide our
time and don't do any thing rash like phasing in front of them." Sam
said with a stern look at Paul.
"What? I got myself under control didn't I?" Paul said defensively.
"Just barely.." Sam replied.
"Seriously
though..I would rather make a pact of everlasting friendship with the
bloodsuckers that had us gallivanting around together with flower
crowns on our heads than put up with any more of this! I mean look at
me! Those savages tore almost every stitch of clothing I had off! I
wouldn't be surprised if they had tried to rape me next!" Jacob
exclaimed.
"It's not rape if its willing Jake." Embry joked with a barking laugh and Jacob punched him in the arm.
"Very
funny Embry, maybe I'll show you the girls I saw today wearing a
Quil/Embry t-shirt and see how funny you think that is, hmm?"
"Hey man, you knew I was just joking." Embry frowned
Quil threw a barbie shoe at Jacobs head, "Hey man why you gadda treat a brother like that?"
Seth was sitting in the corner laughing quietly, "Yeah but they are kinda cool too ya know, look what one of them got me."
Seth held up a DVD case with a wolf, a boy and a girl on the front titled 'The Savage One'
"Let me see that," Jacob snatched the DVD out of his hand and read the back cover and then pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Seth..."Jacob whispered
"What?" he said
"Had you even bothered to read the back cover of this?"Jacob asked calmly
"No...why?"
"Oh, well it just that the rating is a bit over your age kiddo."
Seth scoffed and made a swipe for the DVD but Jacob jerked it back
"Come on Jake I've watched R - rated movies before with you right there watching with me!"
"Oh well then you are certainly ready to dive into an XXX-rating then huh?!"
"WHAT?!?!" The rest of the pack shouted
"WHAT IN THE HELL POSSESSED THEM TO GIVE HIM A PORN TAPE?!?!"
"OK, everyone just lets calm down and try to forget this happened. Jake, give me that tape" Sam said
Jake handed it over to him and Sam smashed it in between his hands.
"Now that's that." Sam said dumping the bits into the rubbish bin.
"Well look on the bright side boys, at least we aren't catching it as hard as the leeches over in Forks." Quil said.
*********************
Carlisle
ran into the house wide eyed, slamming the door shut behind him, you
could hear the sound of several loud thumps on the door from the people
ramming into it on the other side.
"My word, these girls are a bit...energetic aren't they?" he said shakily.
"Energetic? Why Carlisle your just to nice. But I think the proper term is INSANE!" Roselie said with a scowl.
"I-I am sure that it will pass in time..." Carlisle trailed off uncertainty.
"Carlisle,
by that time we all will either have gone crazy or been some how
captured and have unmentionable things done to us." Edward said then
broke off with a shiver running down his spine. "Some of the things I
have heard over these past few weeks will hunt me for the rest of my
existence..."
He was cut short by a pair of frilly panties with
'I love Edward' on the crotch flew into the glass of the window and
stuck there.
Edward: "............"
Jasper: ".............."
Carlisle: ".................."
Emmett: "HEY! I haven't seen any 'I love Emmett' panties!"
Everyone: "........................................"
Emmett: "Um...I mean..Yeah that's, um...pretty weird...yeah."
A second later a pair of panties with 'I love Emmett' on them flew onto the window.
"Yesss." Emmett said punching a fist into the air.
This
was closely fallowed by a pair of 'I love Carlisle' and 'I love Jasper'
panties and a pair of boxers that had 'I'd so do Bella' in big red
letters down the legs.
Edward snapped then
"OKAY! Who
else is thirsty? Hmmm?" he said with a slight note of hysteria in his
voice. "Anyone? Jasper what about you? Come on there is no way that
these things are human so its not like we would be going against our
'vegetarian' life style. An look we even have a life time supply!"
"Nice Ed.." Roselie said sarcastically.
"Now,
now Edward. Lets be reasonable, there has to be a better way for you to
deal with this." Esme said putting a comforting (and restraining) arm
around Edwards shoulders.
"Right, reasonable" he pointed to the panties (and pair of boxers) stuck to the window " does that look reasonable to you Esme?"
"These girls and, erm..boys, just have a bit of an irrational crush on you is all." she said.
"It's not really hurting anything at the moment Edward, just calm down." Bella said from beside him.
"Yeah besides my sanity.." he pouted.
"Oh
its not that bad ickle Eddie," Alice said coming in with her arms full
of bags "I actually find this hole development quite enjoyable! You
were right when you said that I'd like them as shopping partners! They
took me to the cutest little convention in Seattle! It's called
sakura-con or something like that. Look I even got you something
Mr.Grump Butt."
She got out a black kittykat hat that was smiling and had fangs an shoved it onto his head.
"See! Isn't it just so cute!?" Alice squealed.
Emmett Jasper and Bella were all biting their lips and looking the other way just trying not to laugh.
".....Don't you dare.." Edward warned.
They quickly composed themselves, but the corners of there lips were slightly upturned.
"I
do agree with you on one point though Edward, this should be stopped
soon, an for some reason I don't think that the eight of us are enough
to handle this..even if we were all agreed to stop it." Carlisle said
with a glance at Emmett and Alice.
"Gahh, why me?" Edward asked, rubbing his forehead.
Calendar
